2016-12-03 21:51:37date was

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  • You Know it’s Eid When…

    Eid

    Winter is coming – but Eid is coming first! Egyptians love to celebrate any occasion and occasions don’t get bigger than nine consecutive days away from work/real life with Eid El Adha sandwiched in the middle. But You don’t need us to tell you -  here’s how you can tell it’s that wonderful time of the year…

    Your daily alarm is replaced by one (or all 10) of the local mosque’s loudspeakers…

     Your daily alarm is replaced by one (or all 10) of the local mosque’s loudspeakers

    Sure, you don’t have classes or work tomorrow, but if you thought you were going to sleep in, think again.

    Your house smells of vinegar, toasted pita bread and lamb…

    Your house smells of vinegar, toasted pita bread and lamb
    Fattah gon’ turn me into a fatty.

    Your Whatsapp is bombarded with lame animated videos of cartoon sheep, and copy-pasted well wishes…

    Your Whatsapp is bombarded with lame animated videos of cartoon sheep, and copy-pasted well wishes
    Mute, mute, mute, mute…

    You see cousins/aunts/uncles you forgot existed…

    You see cousins,aunts,uncles you forgot existed
    “Wa7eshteeny awi!”  [In your mind: Tant meen?]

    You receive money for nothing!

    You receive ~ free ~ money
    Like, fill-your-gas-tank-up kind of money.

    Your entire neighbourhood smells of blood and poop…

     Your entire neighbourhood smells of blood and poo despite the new ‘law’ threatening a 5,000LE fine for slaughtering animals in the streets
    Despite the new ‘law’ threatening a 5,000LE fine for slaughtering animals in the streets.

    You’re constantly wondering whether that was fireworks or gunshots you just heard

    You are constantly wondering whether that was fireworks or gunshots you just heard…
    Might be a good idea to take cover behind the couch, just in case…

    You’re chased down the street by gangs of gangly teenage boys…

    You are chased down the street by gangs of gangly boys
    Clearly there’s something about religious public holidays that gets men going.

    You go to see a movie and it’s sold out for the next two weeks…

    You go to see a movie and it’s sold out for the next two weeks

    It’s times like this we pray…. That PirateBay is still online.

    You weigh yourself and discover you’ve gained 5kgs

    You weigh yourself and discover you’ve gained 5kgs
    Time to don your galabeyya/3bayya for ‘religious’ reasons. Ok, fine – it’s because it has no waistline)
    __________

    By Salma Thanatos Rizk

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