I’m not sure how I feel about April Fools’ Day. It’s a pretty cheap way to get a pretty cheap laugh, but I can’t deny that lying for the sake of lying gives me tingles up my snail trail.
But we live an a rather absurd version of Egypt right now and April Fools seems to be all year round in this godforsaken country – there are no more surprises. Here’s ten ridiculous headlines that wouldn’t at all seem strange splashed across the Cairo Gossip homepage.
ALCHEMY ACCUSED OF SORCERY & WITCHCRAFT, GETS SHUT DOWN
‘Bout time someone got wise to Al Chemist’s trickery.
THE GARDEN SET TO SCREEN VISITORS VIA LINKEDIN IN AN ATTEMPT TO ATTRACT HIGHBROW CROWD
Doesn’t have a photo, must be hideous/Doesn’t earn enough money.
EGYPTIAN ARMY ANNOUNCES CURE FOR ‘GAY GENE’
100% endorsed by Sisi.
OMAR SAMRA IS SPOTTED SCALING BUILDINGS AROUND CAIRO & PLANTING EGYPTIAN FLAGS ON ROOFTOPS
He gets bored if he isn’t risking his life in someway.
SECRET INGREDIENT OF SHEREZADE WINE REVEALED TO BE NILE WATERFor an authentic taste of Egypt.
CAIRO 360 WRITER KIDNAPPED BY MUSLIM BROTHERHOOD FOR GIVING EL TAWHEED WEL NOUR A BAD REVIEW
The definitive guide to surviving in the capital.
MAN WHO ‘INVENTED’ DUBSTEP SAYS IT WAS AN ACCIDENT: “I FELL ASLEEP ON MY LAPTOP”
Sounds about right.
OWNERS OF NEW BAR, ‘VENUE’, SET TO OPEN NEW RESTAURANT CALLED ‘LOCATION’
It’s actually quite catchy.
‘CAIRO GOSSIP’ IS REVEALED TO BE BITTER, OLD, BALD MAN WHO HATES GOING OUT