2018-05-26 23:31:02date was

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  • George & North: The Curse of Celebrity Baby Names


    His name is George.

    In the middle of the shit-storm that is Egypt’s political crisis, Cairenes have found some kind of comfort in obsessing about the possible future king of England– does the poor boy look like Prince Charles being one of the more pressing concerns.

    The biggest question, however, has been concerned with the all important naming of the child. As it stands, the proud parents have their choice of three surnames: Mountbatten-Windsor, Wales or Cambridge. Alternatively, the toddler could realistically go by just George, like Madonna – or Prince. No, wait. They should have called him Prince and he’d be Prince Prince.

    Mind. Blown.

    In what can only be described as ‘wasting time till we go home’, we asked the boys and girls in the office for their take on the name issue. Naturally, every one of them seems to think that they’re a comedian, as can be seen by the offensive, unfunny and lazy answers below.

    “George Michael – because he took just an awfully long time to come out.”

    We all looked around nervously, before highfiving each other. Then we felt ashamed again.

    “Geoffrey – so long he does not become king one day.”

    Tumbleweed greeted this answer. Apparently, it’s a reference to Game of Thrones or Dungeons & Dragons or something like that.

    “Oxford – because if his surname ended up being Cambridge, it’d just be awkward.”

    Solid joke.

    “Abdel-Fattah Al-Sissi  – boss!!”

    We thought he was joking. He wasn’t.

    Speaking of ridiculous names, we dare not forget about Kanye West and Kim Kardashian’s absurd yet unsurprising decision to call their child North. If anything, Kimye should be admired for their level of pure farce. They’re in good company, too. Let us not forget Chris Martin & Gwyneth Paltrow’s offspring, Apple – which, in the grand scheme of things, isn’t the worst you’ll find.

    But looking to the future, it seems like a trend that will continue. We’ve heard on the lowdown that Jay Z and Beoynce are planning to call their next child One Z, while rumours are running strife that Winona Ryder is planning to name her child Richard (think about it). The next Baldwin will be called Another, while famous dancer, Karina Smirnoff, is to name her daughter Vodka, and even young Hollywood starlet, Amber Heard, is in love with the name Scene-And. But there is an exception to the rule: Alicia Keys naming her baby Egypt – a proud moment for all of us. But the only thing that can make us prouder would be if  Tom Cruise settled down with a nice modest girl from Fayoum and called their daughter Nile.

    Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you understand the above paragraph, highfive.

    God Save the King.