Dating in Egypt isn’t easy. We’ve all been there. We’ve all struggled to penetrate the pouty-faced sororities who march though bars, sourly glancing in judgement. It’s understandable, to an extent – 90% of Egyptian men’s game is whack, son. But forget about even talking to a woman.
You: Hey, how are you?
Her: My brother is an MMA instructor who knows lots of police officers.
The guys at Axe recognise the increasingly complicated, and at times abstract, rules of the dating game with their new, only-slightly grating, Tazbeet ad which marks the launch of their new body spray cans and have raised a lot of interesting talking points. Dating has changed forever – for better and for worse.
Nothing is more devastating than cleaning yourself, dressing yourself and leaving the house, only to return alone – all that effort for nothing. The likes of Tinder and Grindr have changed the game, allowing you to mercilessly pre-judge women based on their best duck-face pose from the comfort of your own couch, bed or toilet seat.
Pre-date jitters are to be expected, but with Egyptians pouring every inch of their soul (and body) into Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and the like, you can easily conduct a CIA-like investigation into the woman you’re just about to spend a potentially awkward evening with by pretending to like what she likes – so simple, yet so brilliant.
I make my living off of the written word, but even I have to admit that no amount of responses to the question ‘What would you do next?’ can ever truly replace the feeling of your limp, quivering body finding nirvana in a fellow human being. But when circumstance dictates it, a few kinky messages or photos here and there can keep things ticking along. Just don’t upload these wank-bank materials to iCloud.
Back in the day, a nice, clean shirt tucked neatly into a pair of nice, clean trousers was enough. Nowadays, crotch-crushing skinny jeans, t-shirts with v-necks stretching half way down your chest and skanky-chic Converse shoes are the honey to the bees that are modern women.
Everything’s More Expensive
Again, coming from the book of old-fashioned chivalry, a man should pick up the check – or at least insist. But, wait – it costs 250LE to get into this club? Did you just say that a double whiskey costs 200LE? Oh, you only do wine by the bottle? Fuck it, let’s go play music from our phones and lean on cars in front of Hardee’s in Zamalek – bitches love curly fries.
Still not convinced? See for yourself. It’s been seven years since Axe last had a makeover – in those seven years, things have really, really, really, changed. Really.
Click here for more on Axe – and the art of tazbeet – click here. Now go get ‘em, tiger.