2016-10-24 23:41:53date was

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  • Eight Reasons to Switch to Roll-Up Cigarettes


    Egypt’s 30 million plus smokers woke up to distressing news today, with the realisation that cigarettes prices are to be raised. Again. But instead of kicking up a fuss, we should embrace the price-hike – after all, 100LE million raised from the extra taxation are to be pledged to Egypt’s ‘street kids’. Apparently.

    Instead, why not slowly dig your own grave with roll-ups? Here are a bunch of reasons to make the switch.

    It makes you look super cool.


     Rolling your own cigarettes is undoubtedly cooler than being the incompetent, capitalist slave who doesn’t/can’t. You get to look a little more bad-ass while sucking on your cancer stick.

    It’s cheaper.


    It’s obviously cheaper than smoking ‘straights’, and it lasts a lot longer. You’re charged 25LE for a 25 gram bag of rolling tobacco that usually lasts dedicated smokers about four days.

    They might kill you slower. Maybe.


    We have no idea, but smokers are resigned to dying young anyway.

    You can customise it, you pretentious hipster twat.


    Papers come in various flavours and designs: licorice, strawberry, blueberry and (naturally) Cola & Louis Vuitton. Filters come in skinny, super slim, microscopic and menthol. The possibilities are endless.

     Practice makes perfect.


    They’re great practice for other kinds of rolling.

    Lagna Smugness


    If you get stopped at a lagna, you’re GOLDEN. Ma’alesh ya basha, walahy dee segara 3adaya.

    It’s like driving stick shift vs. automatic.


    A necessary skill that will benefit you when Egypt inevitably crumbles into post-nuclear apocalyptic anarchy and Metro runs out of Merit Asfar.

    The satisfaction of rolling the ‘perfect cigarette’.


    It’s a status symbol, a point of pride, a mark of superiority. Like being well-endowed, exceptt it’s more acceptable to thrust this into people’s faces in public.

    N.B. Cairo Gossip does not condone or promote smoking. If you have been offended by any of the issues raised in this almost-kind-of article, relax – here’s a cute kitty smoking.