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  • 9 Things You Should Know Before Going to Your First Party

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    Parties are often a rollercoaster of weird stuff happening all at the same time, probably because of those who drink and go out of their way to make a scene. It could be obscene, disgusting, funny, or even dangerous, but they always say, they wouldn’t have it any other way. We agree, who would want to take out the fun of flirting with strangers, small-convos, dancing, meeting the love of your life, blackmailing, passing out, or puking? They are all very weirdly connected to what a party consists of, but here are some things you should know before going all out.

     

    1) I know my limits my a**

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    Although there is an often talked about “I know my limits” kind of discussion, people at parties often lack that sense. After a couple of beers you will find yourself dwindling down to an irrational being, whose only goal is to do more hardcore stuff. So we watch you go to the bottom of the bottle, and hours later, wake up with hammers crushing your skull. Hence, before you go down that lane (at parties), remember the agony of waking up the next morning. It is always nice to have a buddy around who doesn’t drink, and can keep you in check. Just don’t bring him/her for that reason alone, bring them because you like their company.

     

    2) Ohhh, that’s a moment to capture

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    You know how drinks make you super relaxed and somewhat confident? Sometimes it is the extreme of those things. You will do batsh** crazy things when you are. Like telling others about the darkest secrets that you’ve never told anyone; or going down to the dance floor like you are killing it when you are merely clapping your hands and moving right to left. Guess what, that sober friend/drunk friend will be taking pictures like a maniac in attempts of framing you as a lunatic who shouldn’t be approached by anyone. Keep taps on yourself and your friends, social media is a beautiful thing to go viral on, for the right reasons.

     

    3) Sometimes when your friends drink, they become real jerks

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    A lot of us are mentally challenged everyday by an intoxicating lifestyle, but imagine that instead of getting relaxed for fun, your friends are getting relaxed to be more open about their sexual fantasies (most likely the disgusting ones), life problems, or bullshit conspiracy theories.  Some of them become real crybabies, philosophical douches, angry, or horns ready to fuck a pie or a cucumber. Anyway, you are all buzzkills.

     

    4) Really gross stuff

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    Almost 10 out of 50 people puke in parties (it could be higher, because these 10 are the nasty ones who throw up all over you or the furniture, the others go to the bathroom), and you stand a really good chance of being one. So again, have a good friend who can keep you in check, and it will be perfect if they know your drinking limits. You don’t want to find yourself passing out in the toilet (of piss & puke), or having your friends pick you up from under the feet of people stomping you. NOT FUN.

     

    5) Prepare all your savings, waste it all, or don’t?

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    Pretty self explanatory, eh? While you have been a good boy/girl who has been saving, drinks are not cheap in Egypt, especially at the lavish clubs your fancy a*s likes going to. Again, a good friend can come in handy to stash the cash and to not have you tipping bartenders – idiotically – generous tips.

     

    6) Lots of flirting

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    If you haven’t lost all your senses, there will be room for a lot of flirting; between you and someone. Just don’t be disappointed if it leads to nothing, or have it deal a major blow to your confidence. People are partying for three reasons: dancing, drinking, and dare we say, hooking-up. They are not here to socialise or date, they want it as quick as a man gets off. Just make sure you can differentiate between someone whose eyes caught you by mistake, and someone who is deeply interested by what exactly is in your pants: a phone, a wallet, a car key, or an apartment key…

     

    7) Smells like feet in here

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    Drinks have a very potent smell, if you are not a drinker it will be downright disgusting; if you are, well, you are already drinking it. But, this is not the only thing, there is puke, sweat, and God knows what else.

     

    8) No one is interested in long, deep convos

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    Talking over a drink can be very enjoyable in some cases, but not exactly at a club. No one will be able to hear you over the music; you will find it a pain in the a** to keep repeating what you say; and people will be looking to escape the convo and enjoy their time. Keep it short, quick and to the point: beer, vodka, sangria, phone number (give him/her your phone), do you want to dance?, name?, etc…

     

    9) You don’t need to be the grooviest man/woman alive

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    People always feel that club parties are not their thing because they can’t dance. You are missing out on a lot, you will find quite a bunch of people doing nothing but standing up and shaking it a bit. You don’t need anything over the top, just very basic moves that you can look for on the internet, and they will keep up the façade of being a chill dude/girl. Just don’t stay seated the whole duration of the party; if you do, we are sorry to say this, but parties might not be your thing after all.
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    By Adel M. Fakhry

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